I feel … not right.
Maybe it is “Survivor’s guilt”.
Hurricane Sandy has come and gone and we made it through pretty much unscathed. We even got power back last night while so many around us are still in the dark.
You’d think I would be ecstatic, but it doesn’t feel that way.
While I am enjoying all of the benefits that electricity has to offer, I feel like I’m not supposed to. It’s too soon. I should be suffering or “grinding it out” a bit more.
In an odd way, I felt more “connected” as the storm unfolded and in its aftermath. All of the nonsensical day to day “stuff” was pushed aside and there was a singular focus. We were all in it together and there for each other. Even tonight, I’m loving having our friends over so they could shower and enjoy the warmth.
I spent a lot of time on Twitter while the storm was in motion and was overwhelmed by what was going on at the Jersey Shore and in New York City. It was heartbreaking and put my situation in perspective. Having to flush the toilet with buckets of water is nothing compared to what others were dealing with.
At the same time I was reading tweets about the destruction in the dark, while frightening wind gusts pounded against our house, I was also reading tweets about yummy cupcake recipes and cute decorating ideas on Pinterest and over the top, completely partisan political tweets.
I found myself getting more and more annoyed by these inane tweets. How dare you tweet about recipes when there is a disaster up and down the entire East Coast. Show some respect you a-holes.
But then I realized how damn hypocritical I was being. How many times had I gone about my business, without a care, when there was a tragedy somewhere else in the country or the world. Is there some sort of rule book when it comes to tragedy? If we were to follow it, wouldn’t we all be paralyzed by sadness?
I still haven’t figured out how to reconcile it all, but I know I will teach my children to appreciate just how lucky they are and to be compassionate for all those who weren’t so lucky. You never know what hand you are going to be dealt and you need to be able to adjust along the way.
Which brings me to another “storm” thought.
I’m pretty sure the kids will remember this week as one of the most fun of their lives. As scary as it was, they loved huddling together in the family room while the storm wreaked havoc outside. They loved eating ice cream for breakfast before it melted. They loved making shadow puppets on the ceiling with the flashlights. They loved not going to school and staying in their pajamas all day. A grand old time.
There were some complaints about not being able to watch TV or play their video games but for the most part, they loved “roughing it”. And dammit if that isn’t a lesson for us as parents. Keep it simple more often. Make the kids create their own fun. Boredom can lead to creativity.
I need to apply that same lesson to me as well. Maybe that is why I wasn’t ready to get my power back. I enjoyed the simplicity and the camaraderie with family, friends and neighbors. It reminds me of how we felt after 9/11. It was a brutal tragedy and it felt wrong to feel good about how it brought everyone together. But you couldn’t deny that emotion.
Now I’m back online blogging, tweeting and reading my emails. And the kids are watching TV.
I don’t want another tragedy to bring us back to what we just went through. It’s my job as a parent to figure out how to create that same sensibility in our day to day lives.
John
Very thoughtful essay, and so true. Especially the part about the kids, and how their creativity was released when the tv was off. How to integrate your discoveries into daily life with the power back on — that’s the rub. I enjoyed reading this and thinking about the challenge.
Wow…beautifully put. It is so difficult to put into words the experience we just went through and I too am feeling the same hard to describe emotions. Thank you and I am glad to hear you are OK. We got hit pretty badly here on Long Island but are very thankful that we are OK too and hope that everyone affected by this terrible storm has a safe and speedy recovery.
John,
Your thoughts echo in us all. We are blessed to be born where we were, to grow up here, and to make a living. Whether we have children or not, we have lessons to learn, and sometimes relearn, because it has been so long since we thanked The Great Wide Open for what, where, who, when, how we are…Thanks for re-teaching us. God bless you and yours, and glad you are connected again.
If only we could “Keep it simple more often” perhaps we might stimulate our children to be more inquisitive and creative. Then we might develop a nation of mathematicians and scientists who would help raise our society to the next level. Up until now, we have believed, naively, that such a challenge was the responsibility of our politicians.
I’ve been through two major hurricanes – trees crashing down all around (miraculously missing our house), no power for 10 days with Hurricane Fran and a week with Hurricane Floyd. It’s an odd mix of elation and great sadness in the first days that follow the storm. We had neighborhood cookouts to keep all the frozen hamburgers from going to waste and we felt so incredibly thankful to have escaped more serious consequences. But the losses were heartbreaking – still are. The primary lesson we learned from the first hurricane was that a gas hot water heater and stove were a necessity! And I never knew I would crave ice so much! I totally get your comment about all those folks tweeting about other inconsequential things. And my heart breaks for all the those who have lost property and loved ones in this storm.
We have been through this so many times I cannot count. That is why we finally put in a generator. Guess what, things have been much better since we spent all of that money, but it was horrible at least once per month being without power. I can feel for all of those people and what they are going through.
Eileen
Just glad you are ok and now that power is coming back on for the state things will get back to normal, or more normal. I won’t go on a lot about our experience with Hurricane Isabel, but it does stay with you, for a long time. Our younger daughter was a junior in high school, that was a rough year for her cause of the house being rebuilt. Like I said, glad you all are fine.
John,
You are a wiser man than you give yourself credit for. It’s so valuable to recognize and enjoy the opportunities that sometimes come from difficult periods of our lives, and to recognize that our children need us to share that knowledge. People pulling together for support is what civilization is about! (oh – and I agree with you about the a-holes who focus on the trivial.)
Glad to hear you and your neighborhood came through the storm OK.Here on the west coast we could only watch, helpless and horrified.
Those photos reminded me of our tornado a year ago last summer, huge trees lost and everything looked like a war zone. That Hawthorn might need a little support to get back in an upright position, but I agree about the arborvitaes. I am glad that you pretty much came through the storm without a great deal of damage.
Eileen