Hi there.

I was going to start this with “Dear Diary” but that sounded very 1980’s teen girl-like. I am going to turn 45 this calendar year and it’s time I mature as a writer. Fortunately for me, this is a personal journal entry and no one will be reading this. Still, if I ever want to expand beyond “cute post”, I need to embrace a more mature writing style.

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing to you like this. Very astute observation. I’ve actually never done this “personal journal” thing before but without proclaiming it as an official “resolution”, I have quietly promised myself that I would write daily. Chances are slim that I will stick to it but only you will know that.

The inspiration to write daily comes from a book I’ve raved about before “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. Her concept of “morning pages” piqued my interest a few months back and I’m now ready to embrace the practice. This means a daily routine of writing each morning as a means of clearing the brain. The writing isn’t intended to ever be published but the hope is by removing the clutter, the clear and sharp writing will follow.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been writing regularly through the writing platform at medium.com and I love it. In case you ever wanted to check it out, click here. The ability to write about non-gardening stuff came at a time when I felt a bit burnt out on garden writing. I’m still not sure where things go from here but I know I haven’t lost the passion for gardening and writing is who I have become so chances are garden writing sticks around for a while still.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I need “morning pages” specifically for garden writing. I’m all over the place with it so I need to work things out through this sheltered and hidden communication means we have here. I just need you to listen, not judge and let me work it all out over the next few months. You cool with that?

If so, here’s my first attempt at employing my garden writing windshield wipers. It will be rambling, odd and hard to follow, but know the goal is to come out firing on all cylinders on the other side. “Morning pages” are supposed to be hand written but my hand hurts after writing with a pen for any longer than 45 seconds so that is why I am typing it out here.

Again, the smart move was to do this in secret because if any readers were to get a hold of this, well, they may not be readers any more. Never let them know that you are a weirdo.

So here we go and thank you in advance for allowing me to experiment here. The inaugural spewing of thoughts will be generic today but I hope to make them hyper specific as I proceed ahead over the next few months.

When I walked outside this morning I loved the winter garden. I am so “I hate winter”, “I like winter” that it is driving me insane. Today I like.

At the same time, I think spring once January hits. But I’ve lost my usual gusto when trying to find new growth in March but I hope it reappears this year. Life has a way of getting in the way.

Do I have too many grasses?

I’m sick of my own writing and how I sound? Is that normal?

I’m dreading cutting down the grasses. Do I have too many?

Is this the year I abandon growing tomatoes and veggies all together? Every frickin year I have big plans and can never stick with it. Does that make me a bad person.

When will I be comfortable enough to allow others to see my garden? If I were a betting man I’d say the answer is never. That sucks.

Do I try and journal my garden more seriously this year. Ditch the sarcasm and goofiness and just show the results? I may like to try that.

Why do I still get embarrassed when someone says “Ask John, he is way into gardening”?

Usually by now, I have my gardening catalogs set aside for some online shopping. I’m thinking about not buying anything this year. Is that good or bad?

Fuck hydrangeas.