Frenchtown, NJ –
The people in this small and tight knit rural New Jersey river town are in collective shock this afternoon after learning that one of their own has done the unthinkable; publicly denounce the ubiquitous and fall thriving plant known as “Stonecrop” (or “Sedum” to those garden snobs who throw around Latin plant names as a means to impress and ultimately intimidate).
John Markowski, a local avid gardener and supposed garden blogger, was allegedly discovered early this morning in a disillusioned state as he gave a tongue lashing to the previously mentioned “Sedum” plants in his sprawling garden. A neighbor, concerned that John seemed agitated and louder than usual as he walked through his garden early this morning, tried to approach him but was quickly rebuked by a look that he could only describe as “peculiar”.
Here is the unnamed neighbor’s take:
“John normally walks through the garden early each morning but he normally does so as if he were I don’t know, a giddy ballerina. The entire neighborhood knows this and we’ve all become accustomed to it. Whatever floats his boat.”
“But this morning was very different. Scarily different. There was an intensity like I’ve never seen before and the noises coming from within the garden were strange enough that it had both of my dogs barking incessantly.”
“I attempted to approach him to see what was wrong and all he was doing was mumbling to himself. All I could make out was ‘I’m done with sedums. I don’t like them and they will be removed from my garden’. Now I don’t know much about gardening, but I know enough to know that them there are the words of a crazy man. Everyone loves sedums, or whatever they are called. I quickly walked away and contacted my buddy at the local newspaper”.
Upon receiving this tip, we immediately sent someone out to the property to monitor the situation but the self proclaimed ONG was nowhere to be found. We did, however, encounter a family spokesperson who offered little more than a “no comment” and “this family has suffered enough gardening drama to last a lifetime so please respect their privacy at this time.”
We were however able to get this photo of what was allegedly the subject of Mr. Markowski’s wrath earlier today.
Adorable and pink, right?
After leaving the home, we sent an email to Mr. Markowski hoping to get his side of the story so it would quell the fears of all of the locals. Within a few hours we received a response and well, you be the judge:
“I appreciate your concern and the concern from my neighbors and all of the community. I assure you I am of sound mind and there is no reason for any drummed up hysteria. It is as simple as this: I no longer enjoy having sedums in my garden. They just don’t work for me any more or I should say, they just don’t “fit” any longer. I knew there would be great backlash if I removed and tossed them because the friggin world loves sedums, especially right now as we move into fall. I had to psych myself up in order to do away with them and that pep talk must have been what scared my neighbor away. You can all breathe easy, it is no big deal. As the years have gone by, my garden has taken on a look and feel of mostly native plants and the sedum stick out like a sore thumb. If it would make everyone happy, I would be thrilled to donate them all to the highest bidder, I mean first to reach out. Thank you for your concern. By the way, check out my blog at www.obsessiveneuroticgardener.com”
We’ll all have to chew on that one for a while.
We plan on taking some time to page through Mr. Markowski’s blog to see if we can further assess his current demeanor.
Our best guess is that this story still has legs going forward. Dude has a serious case of too many ornamental grasses and not enough flowers in his garden. Just look at these photos we obtained from an anonymous source.
Something just smells wrong here.
Your hardcore John. Going Native. I hear ya bro, they just don’t fit the scene. I wouldn’t mind giving them a good home though, I could plant em in my neighbors where I can enjoy them from a distance… It must be catchy I have been thinking of moving my sedums too!
Alex – I still haven’t removed them but it will happen some time soon. They just don’t work for me any more but promise they will go to a nice home to someone who can love them better than I can.
Pretty funny…thanks for the smiles. Now that I think about, I like the darker leafed, more subtle colored ‘Matrona’ with grasses instead of ‘Autumn Joy’.
Michaele – I still have one ‘Matrona’ and it has never really thrived so it is on the chopping block as well.
Love your post today. If this is a taste of what will be in the book you are writing, I will be first in line to buy it.
Hate my Matrona. When it blooms it must be exhausted as it falls down in every direction. Something else will be in its place next year. I have all winter to decide.
Thanks so much Alice for the support! I have one Matrona and it hasn’t thrived at all for me as well. Good riddance soon.
no takers here. i confess i have never liked sedum, though i planted it — once — because it was right for the space and in the hope it would grow on me, so to speak. fail. the plants have done fine, but there’s just no pitty-pat. –suz in ohio
Glad to hear I’m not alone Suz. Ha.
I’m also removing all the ‘Autumn Joy’ sedum from my garden (trying to find homes to adopt it), not because I don’t like it (I do), but because the deer and or rabbits won’t leave it alone. Of course, I’m removing lots of other plants as well, hostas, day lilies, coral bells, rudbeckia, etc. for the same reason. Soon there will be nothing left but hellebores, snap dragons, and larkspur. This drought plagued, too hot summer, I’m actually looking forward to frost.
Pat – the funny thing is my Sedum were never touched by the deer. I think I may have been Ok with it. Go figure. Deer are great aren’t they?
I never read a garden blog post like this! I have to say it was highly entertaining. I am following your blog now after loosing sight of it for a while and I am glad to be back. I just removed the horrible Acre sedum from my front garden and it looks so much better. My wife hated it and when she called it “fake aquarium grass”, I finally knew that all 30 pounds of it had to be removed. I still have Maestro and Brilliant that I think will stay, but a couple of others here and there are currently being seriouslyscrutinized. Thanks for the great post!
Thanks for coming back Dell! Glad to hear there is another anti-sedum person out there.
good luck getting rid of sedum…it’s as bad as thistle, so you’ll need it.
So true Glory, why I still haven’t done it.