Oh the joy of the Christmas season. All of the build up to that one morning when the kids descend down the stairs to see what Santa has left for them. It brings back my own memories of staying up all night, listening for the sounds of the reindeer or some sign that St Nick had arrived.
But before we get to those niceties, a quick little side story for you.
I missed Christmas day in both 2006 and 2007 due to sickness. In 2006, I was yakking all morning and never made it out of bed. In 2007, I came down with some violent fever and was shaking so much in bed that my wife actually asked if the house was shaking. As a result, my entire extended family has become paranoid each subsequent Christmas Eve wondering what would happen next to moi.
Well, there were no issues in 2008 or 2009 so the bad memories were a distant memory … until 2010.
It’s 11:45 PM on Christmas Eve and my wife and I have taken care of almost everything that needs to get accomplished. Just one more “task” remained and then it would be time to retire to the boudoir. I can best describe what happened next as a simple math equation:
Yes, yours truly managed to shove the dullest butter knife into my hand and puncture the skin. I have done some dumb things in my life, but this ranks near the top. Maybe subconsciously, I did this as fodder for the blog or I wanted to display my enormous strength? I’m leaning “dumb decision”.
After the crime scene was assessed, I quickly determined that the wound required stitches and that I would need to drive myself to the emergency room. We couldn’t wake the kids up and risk a nasty confrontation with Santa. Off I went into the night, dish towel wrapped around my wounded hand.
My stay in the hospital was only two hours so it could have been much worse, plus, I managed to catch the Pope presenting midnight mass while in the waiting room.I still don’t know if it was an amazing spectacle or a strangely terrifying event; either way, those surreal moments alone in the waiting room will never be forgotten .
I was wrapped up and medicated come Christmas morning and it was all good. The kids opened their gifts and were oblivious to what happened to their dopey Dad.
My daughter has been singing Taylor Swift songs on her new karaoke machine non stop. Watch out world, girlfriend has some serious moxie.
She introduced creepy Ken to Barbie and I’ll never understand what she sees in him. And if I had the time I could do a whole dissertation on Barbie, but I’ll spare you the pain.
And she has lost herself in the wonderful world of Disney which is pretty damn cute to watch.
My son, on the other hand, was all about sports this Christmas
And of course, I have been quietly doing the happy dance watching the sports love pass on from me to my offspring. By the way, the video games today are loaded with incredible music and to hear both kids sing “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne (“I, I, I”) and Rapper’s Delight is phenomenal (“Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn”).
Even Casey enjoyed the carnage after the gifts were opened.
On Sunday night, we “only” had about 4-5 inches of snow dumped on us but it was enough to justify a whole lot of ensuing laziness.
My wife and I are fully embracing the drinks of the season since there is nowhere we need to go.
My absolute favorite new beer is Dale’s Pale Ale, known as America’s best beer in a can.
And can’t forget the Hot mulled cider (spiked at your own discretion).
This old man, while beverage filled, has also taken to sequestering himself while attempting to complete a monster jigsaw puzzle.
I’ve also educated myself on all things pest and disease; I’ve even gone so far as to looking into purchasing beneficial parasitic wasps.
And finally, we have all enjoyed the breakfast of champions each morning.
How we will all survive going back to work and to school on January 3rd is beyond me. We won’t even discuss it until the day comes.
ONG
A great read John as always.. I’m still scratching my head as to how you could put a dull knife that far into your finger?? Although, they do say that a dull knife is worse than a sharp knife. Good thing you weren’t using a steak knife! Nice pictures too.. I love your daughters face next to the karoke machine! Isn’t it funny how us blog writers are NEVER without a camera! Glad you’re feeling well though.
I am jealous that you don’t have to go back until January 3! I had to travel across the ice and snow to my office this morning 🙁 I have thought often of changing professions just to have off the week between Christmas and New Year’s – or better yet – between Thanksgiving and New Year’s! We had over a foot of snow here – I would have enjoyed another few days in front of the fire! Will you post some video of your daughter singing with her karaoke machine? I think all of your blog readers would LOVE it.
Glad your Christmas Eve injury wasn’t too serious. Enjoy the rest of the week and have a fantastic New Year!
A very entertaining blog post, though stabbing yourself with the dullest knife in the house is an extreme way to get stuff to blog about! The image of you sitting watching the Popes Mass by yourself in ER is both hilarious and “big-eyed” sad! Poor you…
Seems that the reast of the hols made up for it though! Love the Disney castle…
Are you safe with gardening tools? Yikes. Looks like a fun Christmas despite the ER trip.
your misadventures sound like me..either sick or injured during a holiday…glad it wasn’t too bad….very jealous you are lazing about until the 3rd…I need that but not really…I will have TH/F off and time to read those garden books and write more blog posts….enjoy the lazy time
Loved your story about the ER, I had been there many times in the past with my children, once on Christmas morning.
Keep the wine handy, it will get you through any season!
Eileen
What is ti with Christmas, it seems to bring on illness in my family too… Much sympathy over those stitches. Ouch!
I’ve been enjoying the breakfast of champions too, you can’t beat cookies for breakfast. Well, come to think about it, maybe chocolate cake beats cookies.
I can’t wait to see the video of you intoxicated on wine and painkillers trying to do the puzzle David Hasselhoff-style.
What do you mean you didn’t tape that? I’m going to have to have a talk with your wife.
I did laugh at the stabbing! I’m sorry, but it is bloody funny. I remember when I was chopping some herbs whilst drunk, I took off the end of my finger. Mrs IG went off on one, but I thought it was funny. Later at the hospital I had the embarrassing moment when the nurse told me it would grow back. “I know” I replied, “I’ve done it before!”
Dear ONG, Season’s greetings to you and yours. My wee one’s all grown up now but it was still lovely to watch him tear off the wrapping paper, and seeing your two cuties is a pleasure.
All the best for 2011 x
John I enjoyed your post, your daughters barbie and doll house took me back to my childhood.
I can tell that your kids got exactly what they wished for! I’m sending you positive wishes for the New Year..NO more Mishaps will come your way!
Happy New Year to you and family..
Greetings from rainy Southern California.
I added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit mine and become a follower if you want to 🙂
May God bless you and your family in 2011 ~Ron
And always remember: Smiles don’t have to be saved for a rainy day. It’s good to waste them 🙂