The Obsessive Neurotic Gardener

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The title of this post will not make sense to you now, but by the end you’ll get it. You should also note the time of this entry, there is a story behind that as well. Why so cryptic you ask? Let’s call it a case of temporary insanity, but before we get to that let’s start at the beginning of the weekend.

My wife and I took Friday off from work, dropped the kids off at my parent’s house and headed south to “whoop” it up in Atlantic City. We spent most of the car ride there trying to grasp this concept called “adult time” and about an hour in we finally got it. Wow, this is what silence sounds like? I love my kids to death (more on their shenanigans soon to come) but being able to have a conversation uninterrupted is way way underrated. We were loving life. And when that hits you take pictures like this:

Our real purpose for heading to AC had nothing to do with gambling. In fact, we did very little and won not a thing. We were there to see a concert at the Borgatta. And for shits and giggles, I’ll give you a chance to guess who it was.

Think 1980’s …

Nope, not Duran Duran – although I will admit that “Save a Prayer” may be in my top ten list of all time favorite songs.
Nope, not Flock of Seagulls. Think famous duo from the 80’s …
It was Wham … just kidding. Although I would see them live for the train wreck factor. 
Give up? You can’t go for that? What if I told you, private eyes are watching you.    
Hall and Oates baby! Although they look like this now:
Now my musical interests lean heavier and admittedly a bit more juvenile, but you cannot deny that Darryl Hall as an incredibly soulful voice. And he hasn’t lost it one bit. They were phenomenal and put on a fantastic show. All of the old hits were much more raw and unpolished live and ridiculously entertaining. Go ahead laugh if you must, but don’t knock it until you hear it. Even “Jingle Bell Rock” brought the house down.
We eventually had to get the kids back and I think they enjoyed being away from us more than we enjoyed being sans children. I guess I never really looked at it that way. Anyway, we all agreed to coexist again and took a trip out to cut down the old Christmas tree.        

We get our trees each year from the Rosemont Tree Farm  and they never disappoint. The kids were even more elated when they were given candy canes. But much to my chagrin, they weren’t the true candy canes. Nope, they were those bastardized versions or “non-mint”, like the ones here:

I’ve always had an issue with these nasty rip-offs. They gross me out and they aren’t even friggin Christmas colors. F’n blasphemy! I kept this ire to myself and we proceeded along with our Sunday afternoon/evening. But the stupid candy canes reared their ugly head again.
A sentence you never want to hear come out of your child’s mouth “I don’t want dessert, my belly hurts and I’m ready to go to bed.” Translation – I am getting sick and there is nothing you can do about it. And when both kids say it, you collapse in self pity. Guess what? At about 7:48 PM you could hear the devilish sound of harmonizing pukers. I’m talking violent and evil displays of barfing. I’ll spare you the details, just know I am on the night shift as I write this and I’m equipped with the puking child’s survival kit – paper towels, lysol wipes, tissues and water. I’ve also determined the culprit … the damn candy canes! Can I prove it for sure? No, but it is the only common thing they’ve eaten the past two days. NEVER AGAIN.
Atlantic City seems like a lifetime ago, but in a sick way, I am enjoying the chaos. The kids are still young enough that they need us and it feels damn good. 
Good night … I mean good morning.                  
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12 Responses

  1. Poor you. Sounds like ‘fun’ – not. Enjoyed this post. Like you I’m a keen concert goer and enjoy the oldies from the 80’s too – I’m just a tad older than you though. It’s great to wallow in a bit of nostalgia now and then. Unlike you, I have been to see Duran Duran and it was just as you imagine, a real giggle and a great concert too.

    Hope the kids are better soon and you get some kip too.

    cheers……Al.

  2. Hope the little ones feel better soon. I know how those days used to be, and though I loved my children and hated to see them grow up so fast, I don’t miss the Ick I’m Sick days at all.

    Glad you and your beautiful wife had a great time at the concert, but I was amazed that you went to see Hall & Oates, you seem so young to be a fan of an older band. I enjoy Hall & Oates immensely, but then I’m as old as dirt. My kids are in their 20’s and listen to alot of death metal…ah, the days of freakishly colored candy canes and a replay of their appearance in the middle of the night are looking better all the time. Nothing like listening to a Christmas carol screamed out in Death Metal. There’s even a helpful website in case I want to learn: ‘How To Do Harsh Death Metal Vocals’. Yes, just what my Christmas season needs is Silent Night sung harshly.

    But I’m old.

  3. Hi ONG,
    Just read this and every part of ot rings so true. That karma like peace that becomes apparent when one is minus the sprogs is just heavenly. Rip off sweets…absolutley disgusting and wrong. My two daughters are grown up and away now, but they used to eat piles and piles of haribo mallows, until they brought it all back up. Still, this in itself should be counted as a blessing because in their teens it turned to vodka and dope. Happy days eh?

  4. Oh, it’s so wonderful raising children and so wonderful to have those special times alone together. When they are all grown and go away to college, it will seem wierd for just a little while….and then you will have many many special times alone together 🙂

  5. There’s nothing so bonding as being helped when you’re barfing.
    This is a Christmas they will always remember. And when they are in their 20’s and 30’s – laugh about.
    Hope they’re better and you get some sleep.

  6. Ahhh adult time! It’s nice to remember it exhists. Silence is a beautiful thing! Sorry the kids are sick! Duo pukers is not.fun.at.all. Last time that happened to me I was driving the two hour drive from Seattle with both simultaniously puking as I drove. It was a bad scene…… I feel for you. I hope they get better quick!

  7. Your poor kids. I think those are disgusting. I guess we will stick to the peppermint.
    You probably will too.
    I thought DH and oatmeal were ok. compared to alot of other 80’s atrocities.

  10. Ah how I remember those days fondly. NOT. We quickly discovered that when the kids got sick it always came in 3 waves. No point changing out the entire bed the 1st or the 2nd time – clean up the ‘stuff’, lay down a towel or 2 and wait for the next eruption. Pretty safe to do the final cleanup after heave #3. Lovely story – and post – at 01:57 !!

  11. Hall and Oates, wow, takes me back.
    Yep, I’d have blamed the candy canes too.. poor kiddies.
    Aaah, projectiles, I remember them well! not 😉

  12. My husband sometimes drives a truck to deliver seed, and when he delivers oats, he says he was ‘Hall & Oats’… get it?? hahahaaaaaa…

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